Having sex caused me enormous amount of pain in the form of bullying. In my child mind, having sex was equated with being evil, dirty and hideous. Many nights I would kneel down by my bed before I went to sleep and promise to вЂњGodвЂќ (I didnвЂ™t believe in вЂњGodвЂќ really, but during these moments, I pretended to***) that I would never have sex again with anyone. That was the beginning of my sexual schizophrenia. Every day they insinuated that I was a whore. They called me bad names and terrorized me by singing a tormenting song. It was one of the worst moments in my childhood.Д®very day after the event, my friends teased me relentlessly at school and at home. I was made to feel like I had committed a crime.

My body was shocked and filled with shame, horror and regret. In a millisecond, we disengaged then I froze in terror.

вЂњMy little annnnnnnngggggggggggggggelllllllllllllll!вЂќ It must have looked incredibly freaky and disturbing. Right at the moment when the boyвЂ™s penis was inside me, his mother opened the door to his bedroom and found us standing there with our pants down, encircled by the other kids. I was a shy child, easily influenced by others. And I canвЂ™t remember how I decided to вЂњdo it.вЂќ I donвЂ™t know if I was pressured by the other kids or just decided to do it on my own. Someone dared us to вЂњdo it.вЂќ Of course, I didnвЂ™t know what вЂњdo itвЂќ meant. We ended up having sex with each other because of a dare. HereвЂ™s where the terror sets in: we were encircled by other kids of varying ages, including some who were around 12 years old. All he did was stick his thing into my thing while we were standing up, with our pants down. We didnвЂ™t lay on top of each other or kiss. The definition of sex for this story: his penis went into my vagina. It took place in his bedroom at his house. In my community, I had sex when I was 8 years old with a boy who was also 8 years old. My grandmother, a firm RLDS believer, thought that dancing was the work of the devil.

Sex, cigaretttes and booze were all taboo in there. But I lived in an RLDS community for my entire childhood, surrounded by both religious zealots and well-meaning Christians. This particular religion didnвЂ™t make a lot of sense to me as a child, so I never joined it. At an early age I was told by adults in this community that I was going to hell because I would frequently respond with a вЂњNoвЂќ when asked the question, вЂњDo you believe in God?вЂќ My parents decided to let me and my brother decide for ourselves if we wanted to join the RLDS church or not.

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